In a Cage with a Hacked Off Hawk on a Bad Hair Day

So, last Saturday I get the urge to buzz my head.  You know, clippers!  Dana hates when I get those things out.  She knows some body’s gettin’ a hair cut EB style.  Often, I don’t do so well with the clippers, so I understand her hesitancy.

Well, I’m a quarter of the way started on my buzz cut when Dana calls.  She is at my folks house checking up on some things while they have been out of town.  She’s a teeny bit concerned and I can feel it in her voice.  One of the panes in my folks breakfast room window is totally blown into the floor.  My first inclination was to tell her to come on home and I’d go back over after I finished cutting my hair, which I had to confess to her that I was doing right then and there.

She said OK and then hung up.  About a half a head buzzed later, she called back and this time she was a little more tense.  She had seen something in the hallway toward the bedrooms in the house and it was like a big bird, but she didn’t get a good enough look to identify it.  “COME NOW!” she said.

So, with a half a head buzzed, I put on a cap, told the kids I was going to their grandparents house to save the day.  OK, I didn’t say it that way, but that’s what I was thinking.

When I got there Dana was in the kitchen.  “It’s big!” she said.  “Oh Great!” I said.  The bird was in one of the far back bedrooms in the hallway, so my plan was to close all the other doors in the hallway and try to corral the bird and herd it back down the hallway and out the two open double doors at the front of the house.

As I made my way down the hall, the bird sensed my coming.  He started making these OMG flapping noises that I felt was to alert me that he was there and was not to be messed with.  I closed all the doors and when I got to that room, I darted into my folks bedroom across the hall  and closed the door.  I screamed out to Dana, “It’s a HAWK!!!”  At this point in the story…..we should all change our undergarments.  Plan B had to be implemented.  I was not going to SAVE the day.  I made a leadership decision to run for it and hopefully not get my eyes clawed out by a hawk’s talons.

I told Dana to clear out and don’t be in my way when I come running down the hall or it would be like getting hit by a truck.  She cleared…..I opened the door and there he was… two feet from my head.  I yelled all the way down the hall and ran faster than I ever have.  He didn’t follow me…..

My next decision….call animal control.  Dana called them and they sent out a guy.  When I told him the story he said, “I’ve never seen or heard of this happening.”  OH GREAT!  I wasn’t feeling much better than before he was there at this point.  The ole boy was a big dude though and wasn’t totally scared.  He did mention that he didn’t usually deal with birds and wasn’t crazy about a meat eating hawk.  Long story short, after a few funny moments and fear, the animal control guy got the hawk out without any of us, including the bird being hurt.

The moral of the story…….know when to call in the professionals.

Amazingly the bird did very little damage other than the window and a couple of times he must have been scared as well and left deposits for us to clean up.  We patched the window and went home.

I walked into my house, went straight to the bathroom and buzzed the other half of my head.   -The End-

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7 Responses

  1. You are so stinking funnY!!!! And you’re right, you can’t make stuff like this up!!!! Hilarious!!!!

  2. This proves God has a sense of humor!!!

  3. Awesome story! Isn’t it funny that a HAWK was caged up by a FALCON! Who won Friday night? Oh yeah, it’s was Dacula! Things that make you go UMMM…..

  4. Where’s the video camera when you need it!! That could have wont the $10,000 prize on that Funniest Video show. What an amazing story – true story.

  5. Great story – you should be a writer! (mmmm?)

  6. HAHA!! Great story! Good way to start off Monday morning reading that! LOL!

  7. That’s funny mang!!! I Can see u hollering and evathang 🙂

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